As an immigrant, I often contemplate the ideal balance of assimilation. Depending on where I am and who I am with, I sometimes feel “too Asian” or “too American.” In this video, I obsessively arrange grains of rice on my skin into a pattern resembling the Kawung motif, which symbolizes perfection and harmony. However, it is a futile effort to strive for the perfect geometric arrangement, given the organic materials at play. This vain gesture reflects my fixation on what I deem ideal—a longing for belonging.